Where were you when you found out the impact papers didn't exist?

I remember where I was when they said the impact papers didn't exist
I was, at the time, confiting a tray of duck legs
well, I thought, that's absurd, they don't exist?
If the impact papers don't exist, why, everything, surely
is illusory, I poked at a duck leg, snug in its pocket of fat
and sure enough, my knife slid through bird, pan
and oven, as though they were composed of smoke, I was
at first, smug, that's a sharp knife, but those feelings
quickly turned sour as I tested the blade with  my thumb, it slid clean through
and left no trace. With panic rising I walked to the walk in fridge, my hand
passed through the handle, this wouldn't do, there
were some gammons inside that needed roasting, all
the more so now we knew that the impact papers
didn't exist, people would want feeding, the destruction
of the democratic process is always a powerful stimulant
to the appetite, in my experience. I flapped at the handle
uselessly but they'd made such a fuss, I remembered the laughing
patrician tones, the casual dismissal. Pushing forward the door
offered no resistance at all, I was stood in my walk-in
surveying the neatly labelled tubs of food, pear tarts, tomato cous cous
salmon en papillotte and there, gloriously plump, my two
joints of gammon, it was all going to be fine
and I'd believed them, I'd wanted to, they'd worked hard on those impact
papers and everything was going to be all right
except the impact papers didn't exist and I couldn't pick my
gammon up and I couldn't test the duck, but on the upside I did seem to have
developed the ability to walk through walls, a useful skill to have
as we approach our new economic realities