I remember where I was when they said the impact papers didn't exist I was, at the time, confiting a tray of duck legs well , I thought, that's absurd, they don't exist? If the impact papers don't exist, why, everything, surely is illusory, I poked at a duck leg, snug in its pocket of fat and sure enough, my knife slid through bird, pan and oven, as though they were composed of smoke, I was at first, smug, that's a sharp knife , but those feelings quickly turned sour as I tested the blade with my thumb, it slid clean through and left no trace. With panic rising I walked to the walk in fridge, my hand passed through the handle, this wouldn't do, there were some gammons inside that needed roasting, all the more so now we knew that the impact papers didn't exist, people would want feeding, the destruction of the democratic process is always a powerful stimulant to the appetite, in my experience. I flapped at the handle uselessly ...